I wanted to say hello

I’ve wanted to add more of my personal voice for a while now, probably for as long as I’ve been blogging. I admire people who aren’t afraid to address their readers, and add an occasional rant. My poetry is a form of my diary most of the time, that I have shared for people (often strangers) to read, yet I’ve been posting my writing without introductions, in a rather cold approach.

Time for a more personal introduction... I majored in sculpture in college, and worked with a lot of different mediums. When I first went to school I had thought that I would major in painting, then took a welding class and fell in love. I learned how to weld and blacksmith, and ended up being a TA for that class the next semester. My final project for the class was a five by three foot wide spider, which I welded the body of and blacksmithed the legs and fangs. My dad is an artist and a sculptor, so naturally I am too. Along with being a sculptor I paint, do collage, write short stories and poetry (shown previously to this post).

When I was younger I used to love writing fantasy stories, and filled notebooks with unfinished ones. In college I found out the perfect kind of story writing for me is micro fiction. Or, what I’ve been doing for at least ten years, poetry. My poems are either about love or heartbreak, with some others scattered in. My best muse is to be in love, or in the raw after effects of a break up. Some of my best poems are written when I’m hurting after a relationship has ended, and I find writing to be really therapeutic. And occasionally more helpful than my therapist. But that’s a whole other story…

While at college, I’ve been learning what it’s like to live alone and be independent. Originally I had moved into a studio apartment with my boyfriend, but that didn’t last long, or end well. Which made for some of the poems I’ve posted. It’s hard to be alone in a place I got with a guy, when I thought I was guaranteed to come home to someone I love. After some adjusting and a lot of hard work to make it mine, I have come to really adore my little apartment. My experiences away from home have been helping me grow, but I look forward to not be living alone again.

I guard my heart so closely it’s a miracle you got in, To take my head and heart on an emotional spin.

From a poem I posted in the beginning of my blog... I love love. I love reading romance novels and listening to sappy music but I kick, scream, and protest when falling in love. I try and talk myself out of a person, giving reasons why I’m not attracted to, and shouldn’t date them. I have trust issues, and from the heartache I’ve felt in my life I try to protect myself from getting hurt again. But it happens. Love happens, and isn’t something that can be controlled. Along with trying to avoid getting my heart broken, I have experiences throughout my life stacked against trusting men. I’m often scared of getting involved in relationships. It takes a special kind of man and a lot of trust when I am. I'm queer, and I often like the people for their personalities and how we get along more than what they look like. Though as a queer, trans, non-binary person I often gravitate towards people who I can relate to and have similar experiences to me. There are reasons why I am so unsettled when a possible romance comes along, and am so messed up when a relationship ends.

Some of the puzzle pieces are here, in the posts that I have written. My short stories and poetry are a different form of my diary and a way for me to express myself. Along with past experiences living away from home has made me hesitant to get intimately involved with someone. I feel like I am alone and the main person who has my back is myself, which makes it hard for me to let new people into my home. I have also noticed that what I have been through makes it hard for me to trust men when they are possible suitors. A time a few years ago I got an eyebrow piercing and shaved the side of my head, because I wanted to put off a “stay away” attitude. During one of the times I needed someone the most, I tried so hard not to let them in. I’m lucky I found and was found by my now ex when we did.

I’m a strong believer that things happen and people are put into our paths for a reason. Not every experience is going to be a great one, but they shape the way a person is, and help the person to grow, and be a stronger version of themselves.

And that is a bit more about myself.

-Riley Quinn Farmery

(Updated 5/13/2022 to be more accurate).

#heartache #aboutme #trust #queer #dating #spider #love #welding #breakups